Randy Perskin: Discussing Divorce

In an effort to help the elder community I am now handling cases involving guardianship.

The divorce rate among the elderly has been traditionally lower than among the younger population. Often the elderly are faced with the prospect of a divorce, breaking up an otherwise happy marriage, when one spouse requires long term care that the couple can not afford. If a couple does not have enough money or coverage to pay for necessary care but has too many assets to qualify for Medicaid, a divorce is often recommended to protect available assets for the well spouse.

The issues relating to a divorce will have a direct impact on your children. Their living situation and emotional stability will be affected. Additionally, the lifestyle they enjoyed while their parents remained together will change.

Children of divorce will often feel they are at fault for their parents’ separation. I have previously spoken about providing outside care to your children, such as a psychiatrist, if they seem to be struggling. However it is also important that your children feel comfortable talking to you about the divorce and its consequences for them. This does not mean that parents should discuss the negative aspects of their relationship. Rather, each parent should demonstrate their support of their children and continually assert that the divorce was not their offspring’s fault. Additionally, parents should be open to answer questions in a positive manner and provide a comfortable forum for their children to express their concerns.

Many women who had made the decision to be stay at home moms during the course of their marriage find themselves in the position of finding work after many years out of the job market following a divorce. Certainly, keeping any professional licenses earned updated and in place will help with a job search. Additionally, taking classes to improve and enhance your skills is beneficial. Reaching out to contacts you have made in the past can help.

Discussions with your attorney are beneficial in reaching a settlement agreement. Your legal counsel can advise you about the benefits of such an agreement, how property is likely to be distributed should the action go to trial and relevant issues relating to child support, spousal support and custody.

Additionally, it is important to have a full understanding of your own economic situation. Gather information regarding your assets, income, expenditures and debt and review it carefully. Additionally, an understanding of your spouse’s finances will help you formulate a better idea as to the terms of an agreement. A settlement agreement should be fair to both parties, therefor each spouse will necessarily concede on certain issues in order to benefit from others. In this regard it is important to have a clear idea of what you really need. For example, you may be willing to negotiate the amount of support in order to maintain control of certain assets.

A clear understanding of your children’s needs is imperative in considering custody issues. In determining custody and visitation the court will most likely consider the best interests of the child. Although most children can benefit from the input of both parents, there are situations, such as abuse, where sole custody could be beneficial.