Randy Perskin: Discussing Divorce

Divorce is a difficult and intrinsically adversarial process.  The hard truth is that the termination of a marriage leads to economic and emotional change. Mothers facing single life with dependent children need to take particular care to protect themselves and their offspring. The appropriate legal support is essential to an effective resolution of the issues involved in the dissolution of a marriage. Finding and using the appropriate support is imperative.

The right attorney is key to a successful divorce proceeding. Keep in mind, however, that success in this instance is a matter of perspective. Your financial picture will change. Assets that have been built up during the course of your life together may be diminished to the extent that they need to be shared by two people rather than remain as a whole to be enjoyed by one couple. Additionally, the amount of money available for living expenses will be less once the split is finalized, as only a percentage of your spouse’s income may be available you and your children. In my personal experience success in this situation involved covering my financial needs and protecting my assets as much as possible rather than maintaining the lifestyle that existed during my marriage. Finding a matrimonial lawyer who knows your goals and is able to implement them as much as possible is important.

Communication with friends and family can be extremely useful in finding the right attorney. Recommendations are beneficial particularly if they come from people who are relatively comfortable with the outcome of their divorce. Be aware however that the circumstances of your action may vary considerably from the experiences of others. Therefore, an attorney who a friend was extremely happy with might not meet your particular needs. A recommendation from an attorney you have worked with on other matters, such as a real estate transaction or will, can be useful. In many circumstances, a state’s bar association website is a viable resource for attorney referrals. The New York Bar Association website is www.nysba.org.

Interviewing several attorneys prior to making a decision is important. Generally, a meeting will take place in the attorney’s office. Often the attorney will charge an hourly rate for the consultation. At times, an attorney will forgo this initial fee or add it to your retainer amount should a working relationship result. Prior to consulting an attorney, inquire about the initial fee.

Be prepared with questions for your attorney. Discover how many matrimonial cases he/she has handled and if matrimonial law represents the bulk of the practice. Skill and experience are key. Know whether the firm handles primarily matrimonial cases or other areas of law as well. Although a matrimonial firm could be a good choice, a divorce attorney who works with lawyers who handle different areas of law will be able to access information regarding other issues that arise in your proceeding.

Do you know whether a particular aspect of your proceeding will be more difficult to resolve? There are attorneys who specialize in specific aspects of matrimonial law such as custody or child support. Ask the attorney how many cases he has handled involving this issue. I know of people who have hired two attorneys, one to handle the custody portion of the divorce and one to handle the support and distribution of assets. Although it is an expensive and complicated arrangement, the client can then obtain specific advice from attorney’s expert in those particular areas.

Is the firm big or small? A large firm often has a reputation and resources behind it whereas a small firm might give you service that is more personal. Find out if the attorney you initially speak with will be primarily responsible for your case. Unless you work with a sole practitioner, you will be retaining a firm and might have to deal with different attorneys than the one you thought you hired. Ask whether the firm has access to particular experts, such as business and real estate appraisers, that you will need during the course of your divorce.

Find out how many of his cases the attorney has litigated in court. Settling is often a better option than a long drawn out expensive court proceeding. The attorney who has been able to settle more of his cases than he has litigated could be the better choice.

Discover whether the lawyer has dealt with your spouse’s attorney and, if so, with a successful outcome. If you know your spouse’s attorney and reputation, do not be afraid to share this information with your own counsel. Your personal experience in this regard could be useful in the outcome of your case.

Ask what the retainer fee is. Regardless of whom you hire, you will have to sign a retainer, or agreement, setting forth the details of your arrangement. Along with the retainer, a deposit towards your legal fees will be required. This deposit will vary as will the amount, if any, of any unused portion refunded to you.  Since the amount spent on legal fees will be considerable, know in advance how much the hourly rate of partners, associates, and support staff.

Remember, only you know what you really need from the situation. Speak to the attorney candidly about what you hope to achieve through divorce in order to find out if it is possible and if both of you are on the same page.

Finally, within the initial hour you should have some sort of an idea whether the attorney is someone you can work with on a personal level. Remember, you will be sharing very intimate information with this person-be certain it is someone you feel comfortable speaking with candidly. Of course, it often happens that clients choose to switch attorneys mid action. This is a viable choice however be careful not to do so in the middle of a negotiation.

Bring as much financial information as you can to your initial consultation. Mortgage and bank statements as well as tax returns and credit card bills can give the attorney a more accurate picture of your financial circumstances and aid him/her determining the steps needed to resolve your matrimonial issues. Information of a more personal nature is also important to share. Is your spouse having an affair? Is he abusive? What is his relationship with your children? Legal counsel can use this information in determining the basis for your proceeding and aid him/her in the resolution of custody issues.

Remember you are your own best advocate. Know what you hope to obtain and what you will feel comfortable with post divorce. Find support that is useful to you and use it wisely.  Know the facts and be open with your communications. Understand your goals and discover your options. The appropriate support is essential-finding and using it wisely can make all the difference.