Saving Marriage
Divorce is not a viable alternative in every circumstance. Consideration of the effects of a matrimonial action prior to taking steps to end a marriage is important. Divorce will have an impact on your finances, children and overall lifestyle. Additionally, the process itself is often cost prohibitive, involving legal and other professional fees.
Divorce is time consuming as well; it might take years. Prior to beginning a proceeding, think long and hard about what you hope to obtain from a matrimonial action.
Do you and your spouse have differences of opinions that can be resolved without a divorce? If so, a marriage counselor can be a very useful tool. Friends, family and physicians can be helpful in the search for a marriage counselor. The counselor should be an impartial professional working for the benefit of both spouses. The counselor’s primary goal is to help the couple work through their issues to create a happier marriage rather than to help each spouse with their personal problems. Be very clear about your reasons for wanting to remain in the marriage. Explaining your position effectively will often help to obtain a beneficial result.
A good psychiatrist, psychologist or social worker can help resolve personal issues that counseling does not address. Understand that the best marriage counselor cannot save every marriage. If circumstances exist that make divorce the preferable alternative, speaking to a marriage counselor may not be helpful.
If your spouse has decided to leave and refuses to stay a divorce may be unavoidable. It is not pleasant remaining in a marriage where one party is adamant about leaving. At any rate, if he is serious, your spouse will find a way to leave regardless of your circumstances. Additionally, in instances involving severe physical or mental abuse, adultery, substance abuse and other similar situations remaining in the marriage could be intolerable. Remaining in a difficult situation in order to avoid conflict is not beneficial. However, evaluating the problems and determining whether your marriage is in fact salvageable is important before starting a matrimonial action that will disrupt the lives of yourself and your children.
Addressing financial concerns before commencing a matrimonial action is imperative. Understanding the resources available to you as well as your monthly expenses is important. Can you afford a divorce? Will you be able to live comfortably if your spouse’s income or assets are not entirely available to you? Although economic concerns alone are not always the basis for a good marriage, they are worth considering. In the event that your marriage is unsalvageable, a clear understanding of your financial picture will enable you determine what you need to live effectively.
If you determine that a divorce is unavoidable, be aware that legal grounds must exist as a basis for the action. Briefly, the grounds for divorce New York are cruel and inhuman treatment (including either physical or mental abuse), abandonment for a period of one year or more (including physically leaving the home or failure to have sexual intercourse), imprisonment for three years or more during the course of the marriage, adultery or a separation for one year or more pursuant to a separation agreement or judgment.
Utilizing support systems already in place can be extremely helpful in determining whether to dissolve a marriage. Close friends and family members have your best interests at heart and can often offer wonderful advice on ways to improve the marriage or, in the alternative, make the decision to divorce. Clergy members can also be a great comfort in these situations. Most importantly, know your options, consider your situation carefully and realize that the divorce process is difficult at best before deciding to end your marriage.