The issues leading to a divorce often occur long before a split is even considered. In many instances, there are clear signs that a couple is incompatible and will have trouble living together before a marriage even occurs. Most people are not thinking about the eventuality of a divorce while they are planning a wedding. Nevertheless, a careful examination of yourself, your partner and your relationship prior to the actual wedding can save you from a lot of unnecessary stress during the marriage and, possibly, avert the necessity of a divorce.
Prior to entering into a relationship, it is important to examine your individual needs, wants and values. Chances are you will have a difficult time building a solid relationship with your partner if you are unclear about your own priorities. Assessing your values, determining what is important to you as an individual and realizing where you can compromise will help you develop as a person and better understand what you need in a relationship. Some important issues to consider are religious beliefs, relationship to money, work ethic, living situation, or where you feel comfortable residing, family ties, friendships and desire to have children. (more…)
Given the adversarial nature of a divorce, communications between spouses during this period can be difficult at best. Discussions about the most minor issues can turn into extensive arguments. Avoiding any form of communication with your spouse is tempting but is not always a viable option. Very often there are issues which require conversations between a divorcing couple, such as children’s welfare and home upkeep. Allowing the attorneys to handle these issues could be expensive.
Fortunately, we live in a technological age. Email allows for discussions that are fact oriented and to the point. Additionally, conversations via email are not affected by tone of voice. Comments can be thought out and edited before being sent. The downside is that all communications via email are in writing and can be used against either spouse in a divorce proceeding. It is a good idea to forward any emails that cause distress to your attorney for his review before responding. Chances are, if you feel uncomfortable about a communication, there is an adversarial edge that needs to be addressed.
Not all communications can be effectively handled via email. If an emergency occurs, especially involving children, a telephone call to an ex spouse will probably be necessary. Hopefully, in such a circumstance, both spouses will be more concerned about solving the problem than arguing. However, keeping phone conversations short and to the point is always the best option.
Whichever type of communication is chosen, keeping conversations short and to the point is beneficial. It is preferable not to discuss the legal aspects of your divorce with your spouse. If a conversation seems to be spiralling out of control, end it. In short, relay information in a concise manner and end the conversation.
During the course of a divorce there are so many unpleasant issues to resolve that it is easy to overlook planning for the care of our children in an event of a personal crisis. Ironically, fully articulated plans for the smooth operation of our employment should an emergency arise are often in place. After years of reliance on a spouse, single parenthood takes preparation. Realizing that your ex might not be available in an emergency situation and taking steps to prepare for such an instance is imperative. (more…)
